Washington, Mar. 3. Women members of the Virginia legislature have introduced a bill that would require men to undergo vasectomies upon reaching puberty. This law would seek to balance the pending legislation that requires women who desire an abortion to first have an intrusive sonogram of their uterus, a procedure that includes the introduction of a sonic wand into the birth canal.
Maryellen Cox-Chambliss, one of the two female sponsors, says her bill will be more forgiving than the male-sponsored mandatory sonogram law: “After all,” she told the press, “our bill allows men an alternative to the vasectomy, and that is to undergo digital prostate massage as part of a monthly STD exam.”
Men inside and outside Virginia have complained loudly about the unfairness of the women’s proposal. Guy Claiborne, a twelfth generation Virginian from Lynchburg, said that while the mandatory sonogram law is consonant with the hallowed tradition of introducing various objects into “the female vagina, men require personal control over the sanctity of their bodily orifices.”
Gov. Bob McDonnell continues to say he is ready to sign a less-intrusive form of the mandatory sonogram bill into law “as soon as the lady folk stand down and give us a break so we can continue to bring progressive change to our great Commonwealth.”
Ms. Cox-Chambliss accused the governor of grandstanding to secure the vice-presidential nomination at the GOP convention this summer. “It’s well known that most American men want to keep women in their place. But,” she warned, “a Santorum-McDonnell candidacy, with its harsh anti-feminist stance, would push the few thousand women who remain loyal to the Republican Party into the Democratic fold.”
Sen. Mitch McConnell, a sworn foe of President Obama’s reelection, has urged Gov. McDonnell to back off the sonogram issue and advises advocates of the vasectomy or prostatic massage legislation to exclude white men over 65.